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Christian virtue demands that a man should be sorry when he is wrong not to be told sorry when he is wrong. Marriage is more of a friendship relationship than boss and subordinate union. Even when you have a slave serving you, they shouldn't be subject to apologizing when they are not wrong. It will puncture their self-esteem at long run. It is wrong to force even our children to apologize to us when we are wrong. Strong parents will rather say "I'm sorry" when they wrong their children.
Scripturally and traditionally the husband is a king in marriage but his wife is not his slave.
The position of a wife is not different from that of a vice president to a president. Because responsibility laid it on her to be submissive to her husband does not make her inferior or second class citizen. Where there is genuine love, a wife does not have to always tell her husband "I'm sorry" when she is not wrong. Even though I had said sorry in few occasions as a husband when I thought I was not wrong but that is not a pattern in my marriage. But this happened when we didn't come to compromise on who was actually wrong, so as the head of the family I took the lead by making peace because I value my marriage and my wife.
I have a friend very close to me presently who is living in bondage because his wife has chronic hot temper and when she's angry the house can boil for several days and sometimes several weeks. She will never apologize except my friend makes the move. He is a pastor and to avoid talks and mockery from church members, neighbors and friends he will always go on his knees to say "I'm sorry" just to make it look like he is having a peaceful home. Because if his wife is angry, she shut down everything, e.g she stops going to church with him. He says sorry sometimes just to stop her from carrying out her threat of leaving the marriage. This is also happening because the woman is from a royal family and she is the breadwinner. Their two children had inherited that trait too.
Their 7 years old son was sent out of school because he slapped his classmate for no just cause and his teacher asked him to apologize to him but she refused. Even when the head teacher intervened he bluntly refused. His mum was invited to prevail on him to apologize but she saw no reason why her son should be humiliated and she threaten to withdraw her son from the school. The following day, he was expelled out of school. When my friend came back from his trip he was really disappointed.
Recently I advised him never to tell her sorry this time and allow her to carry out her threat for the first time. Since then she hasn't been to church neither has she say a word to him after two weeks and no peace in the family. Why was this case like this? Because that was what he started with. "Me I don't want trouble, I rather say sorry and let the trouble pass by". Unfortunately the troubles never passed by but stored up. Now she even brings up quarrel when there was no need of quarrel just because she knew oga will always come on his knees. What a pitiable marriage union.
We must train the next generation well. We must teach the boys and girls alike the essence of humility in marriage. We must not plant royalty in the man and plant slavery in the woman. They see what we do everyday and the seed will bear fruits tomorrow. Let's train our boys to be king and our girls to be queens.
Ephesians 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
By Olatunde Oluwafemi
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